Table of contents
- Understanding the Importance of Family Harmony
- Involve Your In-Laws Early in the Wedding Planning
- Discuss Traditions and Whether You Want to Include Them
- Over-Communicate With Your In-Laws
- Remember to Include Your In-Laws in the Planning Process
- Don’t Forget to Get the Parents Together Before the Event
- How Can I Effectively Set Boundaries Without Hurting Feelings?
- Ensuring Comfort and Convenience at Lone Star Mansion
- Wedding Planning and In-Law Relations FAQs
- Additional Resources:
Weddings are a magical experience where two individuals come together, express their love, and commit their lives to one another in front of family and friends. Their two families also come together. Becoming a part of another’s family unit can be a great experience or a total nightmare. Often, how in-laws feel they are treated throughout the wedding planning process affects the relationship afterward. To pave the way for healthy relationships in the future, both sides of the couple must take their in-laws’ complicated emotions into consideration while also setting clear boundaries. After all, you want to do all you can to avoid tension-filled holidays due to the hurt feelings of an in-law.
But how can you handle the wide range of emotions, opinions, and voices trying to have a say in your wedding and relationship? These tips from the trusted wedding planning experts at the Lone Star Mansion can help ensure a stress-free planning process and set your future off on the right foot.
Understanding the Importance of Family Harmony
When a couple decides to get married and plan a wedding, they may or may not consider how it will affect their respective families. Most marriages bring some kind of family together, and managing those relationships while also executing a dream wedding can be stressful and complicated.
To clarify, marriage is a commitment between two people, not two people and their entire respective families. The individuals getting married must nourish and care for their relationship with their future spouse, as this is the foundation for the rest of their life. No matter what the circumstance or who is involved, throughout the marriage process, always check in with your spouse and ensure their needs are met first. Communication, even if it is an uncomfortable conversation about other family members, needs to remain open. This way, both people feel heard and cared for and can work together to establish a path forward.
That being said, change is taking place in the lives of the couple’s family as well. Parents may feel like they are losing their child to another family and will be seeing them less. This can strain relationships between one partner and their in-laws. Intense emotions of sadness, discomfort, and anger can arise during the wedding planning process due to this, so it’s important to keep communication channels open and work with your partner to work through any hurt feelings.
Involve Your In-Laws Early in the Wedding Planning
You can tackle striking a balance between protecting you and your fiance’s budding new family while still being empathetic to your in-laws in a few ways. One way is to involve them early on in the wedding process. Discuss with them their expectations for planning the wedding. Sometimes, simply allowing your in-laws to voice their concerns or express how they want to be involved in the wedding process will help them feel like they are an active part of your life while also establishing a relationship with them. Whether this means inviting them to dressing or fitting appointments, allowing them to help pick out flowers, or giving them responsibilities such as finding the DJ, giving them a part in the wedding may help ease any tension.
Before you do this, however, discuss with your partner what you want in a wedding. You should both be aligned and have a clear view of your hopes, wishes, and expectations surrounding the wedding as a couple. If you skip this important step, your future spouse may be pushed in a direction that they don’t want to go or feel that their wishes are being ignored. Align together first before you invite others in.
Discuss Traditions and Whether You Want to Include Them
Some families have been doing certain wedding traditions for years. Whether it is a simple bouquet toss or cake pull or something more complex like breaking the glass at a Jewish wedding, these traditions are often dear to the family’s heart.
Traditions must be taken into consideration whether they hold cultural or religious significance or are simply a part of family lore. It is up to the couple to decide if they want these traditions in the wedding, but it is also important to discuss the impact that not doing them may have on certain family members. Be open with your partner about how you feel concerning these traditions and whether you want to include them or not. Once you have come to a decision together, make sure to speak with the in-laws to keep them in the loop. Don’t let anyone guilt you into doing something because one of your in-laws gets upset. Remind them, gently, that this wedding is between you and your partner, and while you respect their traditions, you both want to start something new. If they are still upset, it is okay. Remember, their emotions are their own, you are not responsible for managing them.
Over-Communicate With Your In-Laws
Your in-laws may have a very clear view on what they want from a wedding between you and their child. For this reason, it is important to continue to keep the line of communication open and continuously let them know what to expect at the wedding. You don’t want them to feel ambushed or blindsided because the wedding doesn’t match their expectations.
Remember to keep them in the loop with what traditions you will be following, the schedule of the wedding day, and other important information that they should know or you want them to know. Remind them that you respect their opinion and you want them to be included in the process and a part of the big day. It is also beneficial to explain why you made the decisions you did surrounding the wedding plans and to keep them in the loop with your feelings as well. Creating connections and being vulnerable go a long way in soothing any fears and establishing a solid relationship. When the couples become closed off, the threat of the parents losing their child becomes overwhelming.
Remember to Include Your In-Laws in the Planning Process
Everyone wants to feel included, especially when it comes to events like weddings. For this reason, things like inviting your in-laws to dress or suit fittings can go a long way in helping them feel like they are a part of the process. If they refuse an invitation, try not to take it to heart.
Another way to include them is by asking for their help with smaller things like the bridal shower or the decorations for the wedding itself. The more they feel included in these special little moments, the better your relationship may be.
Don’t Forget to Get the Parents Together Before the Event
Don’t wait to introduce each other’s families to each other until the day of the big event. Getting them together for a lunch, cookout, or some other kind of get-together so that each side can get to know each other will help ease tension on the day of. Plus, both sets of parents are likely going through similar emotions of excitement as well as loss and will be able to commiserate with each other.
How Can I Effectively Set Boundaries Without Hurting Feelings?
Sometimes, no matter how you try, feelings on one side or the other get hurt. That’s why it’s essential to never forget the big picture: you and your partner are the ones getting married, not you, your partner, and your in-laws. As a married couple, you are creating your own family unit and have the chance to form your own family values and traditions. You must set boundaries to ensure that your relationships with extended family members remain healthy. These tips can help you and your partner create these boundaries as a new couple:
- Focus on your future spouse. Take time to connect, talk about issues as they arise, and be open about your feelings. Remain loyal to your fiancé, regardless of any issues going on with extended family members. They are your main priority now, not your parents or your siblings.
- Communicate openly with your future spouse. Allow them opportunities to express their feelings about your family without feeling like they are attacking them. This is a huge change for everyone, but your future spouse needs to feel like they can approach you about the hard topics. Do not involve your extended family until your partner feels comfortable joining in that conversation.
- Stick to your guns when making decisions with your partner. Don’t let your family guilt trip you into doing something that either of you don’t want or are uncomfortable with. This is your wedding, not theirs.
- Approach every conversation with a calm demeanor. If things start to get heated, take a break and come back when both of you are feeling more level-headed.
- Recognize the significance of social and cultural conditioning. These things take time to break down, and no one should feel bad about having to work through them. Remember to support your spouse and yourself during this time.
- Discuss first with your future spouse the role you want the in-laws to play in your wedding and your lives. Remember to consider each others’ feelings and be open to compromise about things such as whether your mother-in-law has a special tradition she wants to perform at your wedding.
- Talk about everything and be honest. As soon as one person starts hiding their feelings to protect the other, communication breaks down and emotions begin to boil. This can lead to bitterness lasting beyond the wedding, starting your marriage off on the wrong foot.
Ensuring Comfort and Convenience at Lone Star Mansion
Weddings are incredible events filled with love and magic. But when family relations bring stress, it can be difficult to navigate the way forward. One way to ease this process is by having an advocate on your side who aids with planning while still being a third party outside of any family drama.
The Lone Star Mansion is more than just Burleson, Texas’s premier wedding venue, it is also home to an amazing wedding planning staff who works with couples to make their wedding dreams come true. We offer incredible options such as a bridal suite to get ready in, picturesque grounds for photos, and tons of wedding locations so that both the couple and their parents will be pleased with how the wedding turns out.
Contact our wedding team today for more information on our services, the mansion, or to schedule a tour of our immaculate grounds. We look forward to working with you to create a wedding experience that you and your family will never forget.
Wedding Planning and In-Law Relations FAQs
There are many ways you can make your in-laws feel honored and appreciated at your wedding. After all, on both sides, your parents raised you and are a large part of who you are today. It is important to acknowledge that during your wedding. Here’s how you can do just that:
– Find little ways to utilize their interests and expertise during the wedding.
– Include traditions that are sacred or extremely important to them.
– Give them a gift that incorporates your appreciation of who their son/daughter turned out to be or something they expressed interest in while you were with them.
– Create a pinterest board that the in-laws can add to. This allows them to feel part of the planning process and can reveal some of their expectations. Who knows, it may give you and your future spouse some ideas too!
– Tell them how much you appreciate them and what they do for you.
We recommend finding a middle-ground to blend cultural and religious traditions. Do some research, don’t be afraid to talk to your in-laws and your spouse, and then see if you can find a way to incorporate anything important into your wedding plans. For example, if your spouse comes from a very Christian background and you don’t, allowing one of your in-laws to open in prayer can show that you respect your in-laws’ views and beliefs.
Our staff is always available to answer any questions or concerns that may arise during the wedding planning process or the day of the event. We are committed to keeping open and honest communication, ensuring that all parties are heard but that ultimately the engaged couple have the top priority and final say. We are committed to acting as a liaison between your dreams and making them come true.
